Rahm needs two chairs: one for Rahm, the other for his invisible friend Jorge. You may also know Jorge as, “A Washington Insider” or “A Source Close to The President”, among other aliases.

Jorge fucks shit up.

(You can have a Jorge when you’re 50, too. Happy belated, buddy.)

Just one GA highlight:

After announcing that his son and his nephew would be having their bar mitzvahs this spring in Israel, and receiving applause, the White House chief of staff said the applause was “cheap” and that he’d be accepting $18 dollar checks on their behalf.

Read more here.

Rahmblr empathizes with you high-fiving Rahm back. On your computer.

So here I was with Nancy-Ann, Harry and those guys and you know how Dodd always has snacks. We were taking a break and I said to Reid, “You can choose from the bowl of pretzels, the bowl of m&ms, or the bowl of FUCKING DIE.”

That shit was rich. P.S. All of those water bottles were mine.

Rahm is named the #1 Most Powerful Person in D.C.

Rahmblr congratulates you on your grasp of the obvious, GQ.

jassicm:

Two things:

a) Rahm’s oversized coat

b) Orz’ so damn tall, the one holding the umbrella must be pissed.

How does he stay calm amidst all this chaos?  Rahmblr thinks the secret lies under the overcoat: the Original Backnobber II, a special Skymall purchase from his last trip on AF1.

Above is Rahm at a Chicago 2016 Olympics rally in June 2008.

And here’s Rahm today:

“Well, we just - the president, for the city of Chicago and its people, put his best foot forward and the decision went to Rio. And that’s it,” he said.

Is it us or does he sound a little choked up?

Rahmblr imagines Rahm’s weekend will alternate between quietly whimpering along to Tiffany’s “Could’ve Been” and trying to come up with an actually funny joke about Pele and his balls, but Brian says he’ll be busy “instructing the Internet Czar to remove every MP3 file of ‘The Girl From Ipanema’ from the Web.” Good call Brian.

Pssssssssst….  This “source” wouldn’t know a placeholder if it fell out out of that once-rabid, preserved-by-a-drunken-no-handed-taxidermist beaver he calls a head of hair.

Here you see Obama prepping Rahm for his appearance on Charlie Rose tonight.  “Gibbs, get over here and pretend to be a big kitchen table.”

Rahm Fact #33: Rahm is famous for his “Charlie Rose after being kicked by a horse” impression, even though everyone (except Axelrod) thinks he’s doing Glenn Beck.

So the congressguy who called the President a liar during the joint session of congress apparently phoned the White House to apologize. And Rahm picked up.

Here we see Rahm asking Obama to turn that portrait of Honest Abe to the wall for a few minutes while he gives Wilson the verbal goatse.

Rahmblr had men on the ground and got this exclusive transcript:

“&*%% ^%&&& $$%%###&!!!!!!!”

h/t Photo via

This is two strikes, Betsy.

Lucky for you Rahm has all the latest fashions. Take this badass LL Bean jacket. The Kevlar collar protects the jugular at all times and its roomy pockets are perfect for stowing dead fish. Dead fish with razor blade fins doused in extra-strength artificial fish smell. Overnight delivery straight to your underwear drawer, Ms. McCaughey.

Rahmblr thinks it’s funny, too, Rahm.

The Rahmblr is not totally convinced by Dating Rahm that he is part of Team Cat. We’re talking about a compulsive exerciser with ADD and missing appendages who leaves dead fish in his wake.

One could argue a cat would never willingly give away a fish, thus Rahm is Team Shark.

On the other hand: Dr. Evil, Stephen King’s Cat’s Eye, and Jocelyn Wildenstein: EVIL. Rahm is soooo Team Cat.

What is the right answer?

UPDATE: Rahmblr just got a call from Miss Cleo who reports Rahm says, “Put me down for Team Fuck Off”.

The wink that dismissed Bob Novak.

Too soon?

Rahm Fact #32: Instead bringing reusable bags to the farmer’s market, Rahm uses a bag woven from the webs of Republican lies.

(via)

IS RAHM GOING SOFT?

Mr. Emanuel…is more likely these days to give a dog dish to a senator who got a new puppy (as he did to Kent Conrad this summer) than send a dead fish to an enemy…

And in an interview with brother Zeke, when asked if Rahm’s favorite food was “‘the still-beating hearts of his enemies”:

Oh, my brother is a lovely person. He doesn’t do any of that.

Don’t believe it Rahmblr fans. Our sources say that just the other day he stole Vlad Putin’s fish and sent it to Glenn Beck’s valet along with a c-note and a detailed set of instructions about what to do with it.

Thanks to Chris and Quinn.

Not a smart move, Ann Coulter.

The Rahmblr will now, on Rahm’s behalf, remind Ms. Coulter: in the famous words of Snoop Dog, “What’s my motherfuckin name?”

If it’s dead fish for pollsters and steak knives for disloyal politicians, what do you think is going to happen to people who make up evil shit about his family? Honestly. Here’s a hint: Ari calls it “Going Putin.” Those fists will crush you and your little black dress.

Betsy McCaughey, this goes double for you.

Image via